Do you ever just know when you’re going to cry? Like do you ever get the nagging feeling that something is building up and at some point in the next 24 hours it’s going to come out and will inevitably result in a good cry? no? just me?
I’m not convinced that I am alone in this, but let me elaborate so you can really understand what I’m talking about. So I am the kind of person who thinks of crying as weakness; crying is a sign of vulnerability and to me that feels like creating an opportunity for someone to hurt me or betray me. Because of this mindset, I usually do not cry often and if I do, it is usually out of frustration or anger, hadly ever is it out of sadness.
That being said, when I’ve been holding things in for too long it’s like the emotions just build and build until they have to come out and I get this feeling sort of like melancholy and it is usually accompanied by a headache and anxious feelings. This, I have come to learn can only be relieved by a good cry, but that means confronting my feelings and often it means talking to God about things that have me feeling upset, hurt or disappointed. I have recently learned that the name for the result on this build up is called an emotional release. For people like me who tend to hold things in, our bodies will only allow us to do so for so long before they just need to get rid of all the pent-up and ignored feelings. As many of you may already know, tears that are shed as a result of deep emotions have a different chemical make-up than other kinds of tears and for me at least they actually FEEL different, they seem to leave my eyes puffy and swollen for hours after a good cry.
I typically will put off that vulnerability until I feel safe. Sometimes that is with a friend, but most of the time that is when I am alone. Last month it was on a drive.
I knew that if I went for a drive on a windy road near my home that I would be distracted enough to be honest with God about what is in my heart. I started driving and felt a little silly, but I pressed on and when I knew the drive was coming to a close I finally broke down and prayed and cried. It wasn’t a dramatic cry, there was no screaming, no hitting the steering wheel, just an honest talk with the Lord that helped me to understand what I had been bottling up and I was able to just lay those things at His feet.
So I’m here to be honest and vulnerable (this new thing I’m trying) in hopes that some of you will connect with this because I’m convinced that in this day and age it is SO MUCH easier to just distract ourselves from our feelings. We can scroll for hours, binge-watch anything, go shopping from the comfort of our couch, and numb ourselves instead of facing the hard things. I’m sure most of us don’t even realize we do this! I want to challenge you to begin noticing when you are numbing feelings and instead of pushing those things away, instead of turning on Netflix, get honest with God, with yourself. If you’re the praying type, start talking to your Heavenly Father who loves you and already knows! If not, pick up a journal and put your feelings into words, or do both! I like to do both.
Kelsopedia 